I was going through a time of...emptiness, a time where nothing could satisfy me- a time where nothing would satisfy me. Like the woman at the well, I was searching for something I could not find. I was screaming (literally) '' show me what I'm looking for" http://youtu.be/m3KBdUsp3hk. And yeah I was a ''christian'' saved by grace the whole works! ( I've actually been a christian my whole life!), but I was empty, there was something...something missing, I mean there had to be something more, there just had to be, this couldn't just be it...could it? So I tried music.
Music has always had a deep connection with me, music was my well.. my everything!, my venting place, my happiness, my inspiration, whether rock or pop, country or soul , hip hop or rnb whatever the mood the music. Well that didn't work.. and I just got more depressed that I was tempted to cut myself to ease the pain! I mean how pathetic of me, me a so called ''christian'' had fallen this low? But that's not the point, the point is that I wasn't dealing with the real issue of the matter, I was still holding on to some sins that I just wouldn't let go of.
I was addicted, addicted to a world of make believe, a song I used to sing says ''yeah you build up a world of magic, because your real life is tragic, yeah you build up a world of magic..'' To avoid the problems at home I would go into my secret world an alternate universe where the problems weren't my own and I wasn't myself. But I knew I needed to change, I had to, but I was afraid. Afraid of change, afriad of being different, afraid of standing up for God..... and I didn't think I could do it. I couldn't do it..without God's help that is!
I was inspired from a most unlikely person a girl 2 years younger than me! A girl who had something that I wanted a girl who had faith and love. A girl who was not afriad to stand up for HIM. All I could hear was ''Yes Sam you can do it! Just trust ME''and that was the day I let go and let God. I said Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hands cuz I can't do this on my own. I'm letting go so give me one more chance, save me from this road I'm on. Jesus! take the wheel ( I know I got it from a song).
It's a step by step process really, still overcoming addiction among other things but I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me -Philippians 4: 13. I learnt the importance of letting your light shine before all men, that may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven- Matthew 5:16. This has given me the need to share my story with others and thus ''show people the way''
Love is pouring from HIS hands from HIS brow. Love is near it satisfies,streams of mercy flowing from HIS side, cause Love is here
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